Sweet Victory

There's no denying that I've gotten into my fair share of trouble this year. First semester was the biggest trial I've been through since coming to Union. Its funny because people think Union is this perfect little community where everyone is a Christian and no one makes mistakes. There are even people I have class with that have that picture of Union. I, however, have seen the other side of this school; the things we try so hard to hide and act like isn't happening because we have to be "strong Christians" because we go to Union. This year I've realized faking it isn't going to help. I can't just hide my flaws and pretend that everything is okay. I've learned I have to be open up and make myself vulnerable. Most of the time I try to hide what's going on and pretend that I, like everyone else here, has it all together. The more I've opened up, the more I've realized these people here are just as human as I am. By becoming completely vulnerable to those close to me I've been able to learn not only a lot about them, but my own self. The relationship I've made this semester are ones that aren't temporary, like most of the people I hung out with last semester. I've made lasting friendships that aren't just skin deep. Instead of hiding everything going on we are able to talk and help each other go through whatever it is causing us to struggle. It wasn't easy letting my guard down and letting people in, but now that I have I'm glad I did and I'm thankful for the friends that took me in. The closest friend I've made this semester started off as a "boyfriend". During the winter break I met Eliot, we hit it off and dated for a week, but who is really counting. Shortly after, we realized we worked better as friends. The last few months he has become someone I can go to for anything. We've had our fair share of arguments and we've been at points where we just want to leave each other and not speak again. Fortunately, we work through our issues with each other and use those experiences to help our relationship grow.

Throughout this semester I've been wrestling a lot with my relationship with God. It hasn't exactly been where it should. Its hard to feel loved and forgiven by God when sometimes its hard to forgive myself. I'm finally coming to the realization that I am forgiven. "There must come a point in our lives where we realize we truly are forgiven. That God loves us no matter what our past is. We are washed by the blood of Christ." Freshmen year of high school my m-fuge leader said that and even though it has stuck with me this long I don't always remember that it includes me.

Opening up has helped me start figuring things out. Letting people in that want to help me grow spiritually has proved to be the biggest blessing of the semester and that in itself is the sweetest victory.

roll, roll me away

Currently I should be in Searcy, Arkansas worshiping with fellow believers at a Disciple Now. Life is funny sometimes though because today,instead, I was fellowshipping with a different group of people. Instead of rejoicing in the birth of new believers I was mourning in the death of a fellow believer.

Parents never want to bury their child, especially not their youngest. Today's memorial for my uncle Greg was interesting, to say the least, but it was just the way he would have wanted it.

Greg was in the Second Brigade Motorcycle Club. When we pulled up to the funeral home in Dover the street was full of motorcyclists in blue jeans and leather vests. First words out of my mouth were "oh my goodness I saw this on Gangland." As soon as we walked in we stuck out because of what we had on. I warned my dad and brother that they would be mistaken as people who worked at the funeral home. Sure enough, five minutes later a biker man was asking my dad a question about a slide show. It was pretty funny hearing some guys behind whisper, "dude man that is his brother he doesn't work here". Sitting through the memorial service was hard. During the song Roll Me Away by Bob Seger almost every "big bad biker dude" had tears rolling down. I held it together until my grandmother started talking. She started off with a story grandpa wanted to tell but couldn't because he was too sick to come. Then she told a few stories of Greg as a young kid and how outgoing he was. She ended with, "I'm glad my ladies from quilting class didn't come, you guys sure would have scared them". Through all the tears came laughter. After she spoke a few of his "biker brothers" spoke. They all had interesting nicknames and leather vests full of patches.

When the funeral was over the bikers all went out to Greg's house where the were going to burn his colors. The loyalty of his "brothers" was incredible. It was obvious how much they all loved Greg. The scary, bad ass looking bikers were all so kind to us and showed a side that most will never get to see of them. It was humbling to be in the presence of so many men that cared so much about my uncle.

My dad's side of the family is indescribable. My dad's sister, Marviene, and I were talking about how impossible it is to describe our family...especially Greg with his "biker gang" and many tattoos (my favorite being the word "hair" across the top of his head).

In the words of my Aunt, "If a memorial service can be perfect, then my brother's certainly was...the crowd, the stories told, the tears during Roll Me Away, and the laughter at the after party all will go a long way to helping me heal. Except for missing the thunderous sound of bikes roaring down the road, everything was exactly as my brother would have wanted it to be...he is smiling (probably without his teeth, but smiling)"

"We never even said a word

We just walked out and got on that bike

And we rolled

And we rolled clean out of sight"

life as a stud athlete

Senior year of high school I was dead set on NOT playing soccer in college. I knew I was going to Union and I had no intentions whatsoever to play soccer there. Now, after two years of getting my butt kicked by Union soccer I can't imagine what I'd do without it. It isn't just a sport anymore, it is my family. I have more "sisters" than I could ever ask for. Papa BB and Isaac may kill us in practices and games, but at the end of the day they are so loving and we know we can always go to them. Like every family we have our problems. We may not always see eye to eye, but I can't fathom my college experience without my team.

It isn't always easy juggling school with soccer. We practically live on the road first semester. Sometimes I'm not sure if it is worth it; missing class to travel four hours on a bus. However, when we step out of the locker room onto the field I remember why I love the sport so much. Yes, missing class gets old, but it is indeed worth it. I love the people who get jealous of all the class we get to miss. Reality check: it isn't fun making up everything all the time, nor is copying random people's notes that don't make sense.

Coach often reminds us that we are student athletes. School comes first, then soccer. Likely story. Soccer always comes first.

People say "don't you just love off season, you get to relax", but there is no such thing anymore. Any time out of regular season is spent in the weight room or on the ball. Always striving to get faster, stronger, better. There is always something that can be done to make us better players. Six AM fitness, afternoon weight training, inner team scrimmages.

After a frustrating day of classes nothing is better than taking it out on the field. Or just vent to other teammates about frustrations. Practices serve as more than just a time to get better. We like to catch up or help each other out by listening.

Hard practices, few chances to go home, frustrating, time consuming, overwhelming, but worth it. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Mountain of God

At the end of the semester a good friend of mine made me two CDs. I had only listened to one of them, tonight on my way home from my best friend's house I popped the second one in. The first song was Mountain of God. The drive home was probably the most peaceful I've been in weeks. I've been so uptight since finals week. This song made me realize I need to calm down and quit trying to do everything on my own. I don't have to do everything on my own and that's the greatest feeling in the world. I'm excited for what's to come. Life is finally starting to slow down and make sense. I'm finally realizing that I need to relax. Thanks to the simplicity of this song I've realized that I just need to open my eyes and heart.

Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me
'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You
Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God
As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again
Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me

freshman 15

Freshman year of college is over and it flew by! No I didn't gain the dreaded "freshman 15". This post is to list the most important fifteen things I learned my first year away from home.

1. Meet new people and value close friendships. Don't let the fear of "not fitting in" cause you to miss out on some of the most amazing friendships you will find.
2. Setting multiple alarms is vital in order to make it to 6 AM practice on time.
3. Pulling all nighters only works if you actually study.
4. Don't be too sensitive. It will only bring you down and lead to entirely too much stress.
5. Finding a church is important. Don't wait until the last few weeks of school to finally decide where to go.
6. People are human, humans make mistakes. Pray, forgive, love unconditionally.
7. Umpires are always right. Check the box score.
8. Fighting is stupid and pointless. Love is not a fight.
9. Core classes are pretty boring, but classes for your major are great, and if you don't think so...you've chosen the wrong major.
10. Have no regrets. Do everything without holding back. Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.
11. Don't let society's definition of attraction and beauty bring you down. Self-confidence will take you further than make up and expensive clothes.
12. Life is precious. Value it. Respect it.
13. Don't try to be perfect, in the end you'll become someone you're not, and lose people that mean the world to you.
14. Stay close to your friends at home, don't shut them out just because of distance. In the end they will be the ones always there for you.
15. Value relationships. Show respect. Hold nothing back. Don't try too hard. Just be yourself.

This year has been one crazy time. Living on my own for the first time has proven to be challenging but rewarding. The memories made this year will last forever. I've learned so much more than what's listed above, I just find those to be the most important.

CLV, Jordan, and NYC

School is almost over and I cannot wait to get out of Jackson for a while. In 23 days I will be back in the comfort of my home with my amazing family and sweet little dog. I remember last year at this time I was counting down the days until graduation and even to when I was moving to Jackson. I was ecstatic to get out of Clarksville and start life on my own. Little did I know a year later I'd be yearning to be back in the comfort and routine of home. I find myself calling Jackson home. I've always heard "home is where your heart is" and well my physical heart is obviously here in Jackson, but my heart is in Clarksville with my family and best friends. Living in this little box has started to take its toll on me. I cannot wait to be home and start traveling with my mom. We have some pretty sweet trips lined up for this summer and I'm excited to get started on them.

In 41 days I will be in Richmond, Virginia. I absolutely cannot wait to be there. Not only do I get to hit up Myrtle Beach with my mom after we leave Richmond, but while there I get to spend three days with my wonderful boyfriend. I have always loved baseball. My goal is to go to every major league stadium, but lately I've found that my heart just isn't in it anymore. It has to do with the fact that baseball has taken Jordan away until October. Its crazy how much you can miss someone who has only been in your life for six months. I often find myself thinking about him and the fun we had before he left for baseball. The phone can only go so far, I can't wait to actually see his facial expressions when he tells me to "lock it up" or "the room shakes when you laugh". Its the little things that I miss the most like his cologne, the looks he gives me when I'm doing something retarded, and his horrible farmers tan. I am extremely thankful that I have an awesome mom who is taking me to see him twice this summer, without those trips I would have to go a whole five months without seeing those gorgeous brown eyes of his.

In 60 days I will step off a plane with other students into the biggest city in the U.S. Last summer I fell in love with New York. Not the city itself, but rather the people. The stereotype that northerns are rude could not be anymore skewed. Don' get me wrong last summer I had my fair share of run ins with rude people, but I really do believe I had more run ins with some of the nicest people I've ever met. City Uprising was definitely a hard week, but in the end I came out feeling so blessed. I fell in love with New York and cannot wait to be back again to share the gospel and get information about AIDS out there to the lost and hurting inhabitants of NYC.

I have tons more countdowns on my calendar, but at this point in time those are the most important. I basically have a full summer of traveling planned. My mom and I are going to rock out in the Mazda and hit up cities we've never been to, Braves games, a few AA games to see my man umpire, the beach, an MLS game and of course every mall we pass.

hello love

What I've learned thus far:

Guys should never wear daisy dukes in public.

I hate yogurt, mainly the texture.

I only know two people who can pull of navy blue and black. I am one.

Guys do in fact care about their expensive shoes.

UT will never be superior to Alabama.

Peyton Manning and Chipper Jones are my obsessions.

Cats don't like bells around their necks.

You don't just "accidentally lift up your shirt"

PDA is entertaining.

Mr. AA looks good in blue.

Love is not a fight.

Sushi, bowling, and crying don't mix well; thank goodness for ginger ale.

Men In Black came out in 1997.

Love Elizabeth